Moms Need Moms Over Winter Break
School vacation between Christmas & New Years isn't always fun.
I don’t care if your kid is 2 months old or 20 years old. If they are 14, or 41. Winter break can be hard when our kids are home full-time for the holidays, and we need each other to lean on to get through it.
As humans, and especially as mothers raising children, we are neurobiologically (it took me several tries to spell that correctly) wired for connection, and sometimes, during this season that is all about “connection” and hyped-up versions of joy and bliss, disconnection and isolation can occur more often than we’d like.
Especially if we have cabin-fever, trapped in our house for hours on end with our delightful kids & family…or if, on a more serious note, the holidays are bringing up relational hurts or past family traumas.
…So what is “winter break” anyway?
For many American mothers like myself, “winter break” is synonymous with that nebulous, unstructured time between Christmas and New Years when the kids are home from school.
New Year’s resolution to workout more?
…Yeah, any excuse to get out of the house at this point!
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I’ve heard myself saying the following to friends and family:
“Yeah, I can’t wait for some downtime,”
“I’m really looking forward to catching up on sleep and relaxation,”
or this one: “hoping for some rest…”
But while my goal does truly remain to prioritize family time and personal rest, there is also the reality that for me, winter break can be stressful. It helps me relax when I admit this and lower my expectations that the holidays have to be smooth sailing.
But while my goal does truly remain to prioritize family time and personal rest, there is also the reality that for me, winter break can be stressful. It helps me relax when I admit this and lower my expectations that the holidays have to be smooth sailing.
Holidays—and winter “vacation”—are challenging largely because me and my family are out of our routine, and I’m a person who thrives when I have a schedule. So not having a schedule or routine is hard for me.
Dr. Brene Brown, PhD, writes this awesome bit about connection in her fantastic book, “Atlas of the Heart:”
“Across my research, I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
Finding someone who you can speak to about the hard moments over winter break—even if it’s one sentence—can foster connection and release some of your stress.
You might choose to plan a playdate where you and another mom can hang out, too. Or meet up for coffee with another mama while your partner watches the kids. Maybe making a connection to another mom looks like taking a brisk walk around the block and breathing in some fresh air with another woman who’s interested in lacing up and getting outside, too (I recently did this with a neighbor and we had a great time). Maybe your connection is simply sending a text.
Connecting doesn’t always mean you have to get vulnerable all at once, or right away. Reaching out to make a connection can be as simple as asking “what are you making for dinner tonight?”
And Mama, if you can’t think of any moms to say “hey” to over winter break…feel free to drop me a line. I’m here for ya. And I love reading and responding to my reader’s comments (as a mom, not a therapist).
…Phew. We got this.
In “snow”-lidarity,
Kay “Cabinfever” M.
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Hey Moms!
Welcome! If you’re new here, thank you so much for joining me. I’m a therapist-in-training and mom of two kiddos. “The Mom Diaries” is a place where I’m doing exploratory research to better understand how friendship in motherhood affects our mental health. “Momffirmations” is my weekly audio podcast of affirmations. If you’d like to smile, check out Just for Laughs which I publish each week.
You matter to me, and it’s meaningful to me that you stopped by. Thanks for being here.
-Kay
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Please check out these other great women in my network who are publishing some awesome stuff…!
Claire Zulkey - “Evil Witches Newsletter” In her own words via Substack: “I'm a freelance writer in Evanston, IL. I'm also raising two boys. You can find more of my writing here: https://zulkey.com/about/work-for-hire.shtml” Also… “Evil Witches is a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers, a parenting magazine that’s actually about the parents and what they care about. We believe motherhood is life-changing, but not life-defining.”
Molly Dickens, PhD - “The Maternal Stress Project” I’m an unabashed fan of Molly’s. Her research is admirable and WAY COOL. I’m hoping to collaborate with her since I’m studying the impact of friendship on maternal mental health for my dissertation and she’s got all the deets on mom-stress. Please check out Molly’s amazing work! In her own words via Substack: “Molly Dickens, PhD, is a stress physiologist and maternal health advocate. Her ongoing work focuses on the intersection of stress, maternal health, and the structures, systems, and cultural narratives that fail to support women and working parents.”
Liz Alterman - “Liz’s Newsletter” In her own words via Substack Liz Alterman is a mom who is “the author of the suspense novel, The Perfect Neighborhood, the young adult thriller, He’ll Be Waiting, and the memoir, Sad Sacked. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, McSweeney’s, and other outlets.” Liz would also like you to know that she is probably “reading, writing, rambling!”
Lindsay Sledge - “The Earnest Introvert” …she is a Christian, Wife, Mother, and Introvert! Lindsay finds friendship through the art of essays, and writes poignantly about family and memories, such as in this piece, “Do You Still Want the China?”
Zibby Owens - “Zibby’s Highlights” ….Zibby Owens is an author, publisher, award-winning podcaster of Moms Don't Have Time to Read Books, CEO of Zibby Media, owner of indie bookstore Zibby's Bookshop, GMA contributor, and a mom of four. In her own words via Substack: “I tell it like it is. My mission in my writing and in my literary media company is to deepen the connections between readers, writers, and each other. I do so, in part, by sharing my own thoughts openly and authentically. You'll get all of that here.”
Erin Ryan Heyneman - “Rising and Gliding” …in her own words via Substack, Erin is a mom who is a “disabled writer, creator, and speaker. I'm comfortable discussing the hard parts and bright spots of life with a disability. My goal is to educate the not-currently-disabled general public about access and inclusion.”
Dala Dala - “AZ Bubbly” …in her own words via Substack, this mama is a “creative writer of short fiction” and she has written some cool stories about Lady Crystal in a readable, entertaining sci-fi/fantasy genre!
Kelly Turner - “Books Are My Love Language” …provides us with “unmitigated gushing about books” (I love that line!) and says via Substack that she is a, “Writer & reader living in Houston, Texas. Frequent giver of books. Member of the sandwich generation. Deeply ambivalent about the group chat.” :)
Also on my recommendation list of favorite moms/writers I’m reading right now:
Check out these other articles I’ve written recently…
My Weekly “Momffirmations” - (Audio + Article) my affirmations designed specifically for moms. These are a great way to reset your day, and build your overall confidence.
“Birds on A Wire: Is It O.K. To Leave Her Out?” - (Article + Video) here I explore Glennon Doyle’s podcast episode from “We Can Do Hard Things” on the topic of being excluded as a girl and woman, and how that feels and affects us socially and emotionally.
Just For Laughs - Funny pictures I take every week on my iPhone throughout the week that capture the hilarity of motherhood.
Also, this is my new Instagram account.
Happy reading….!
Disclaimer: the content on Substack’s “The Mom Diaries” posted by Kay M. (@themomdiaries and https://substack.com/@themomdiaries) and on YouTube (@TheMomDiariesbyKayM) or any other medium or social media platform (the “information”) is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical, medical, legal and professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided by Kay M. or The Mom Diaries is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your licensed mental health professional, medical doctor, or other qualified health provider.
When you're out of PTO, taking ALL the breaks at any point in the day is necessary, and most assuredly if it includes coffee. Working through the break while they're on break *huge eyeroll* can be nerve wracking as well. Randomly wondering if he's eating me out of house and home is counterproductive. 😆
Thank you so much for the shout out!
And yes, winter breaks can be so tough!